The Journey Home
by suspensegirl
Summary: Post 5x21 - It's unlikely he'll speak anything but venom towards her, if he even speaks to her at all. But he's the only one she has left. He's the only one who knows her for her. IM


A/N: This probably will not be updated for like centuries but I love these two, and it's been clear from the beginning of Max's appearance that their relationship was not really a priority on the show, just a plot device. *sigh* Still, I love them to pieces, and I always will. *hopeless romantic* This is post-5x21. Initially I was originally going to write this immediately post-5x10, but this def works too, especially since Ivy's lost even more. Hope those of you who actually read this story will enjoy it. =)

*I own nothing.

…

**Prologue—**

She was taking a risk by coming here. He probably hated her. Scratch that. He _did_ hate her. She left him for a fake family, where she stole the identity of their real family member, and she delivered lie after lie to him when she tried to convince him otherwise.

It wasn't that she'd stopped loving him. She hadn't lied to him in the past two years when they were together. All of that was real. Up until recently she'd even come to the conclusion that maybe she would end up with him, maybe they were meant to be.

What a joke that was now.

She'd humiliated him, nearly gotten him arrested and kicked him to the curb – like she was better than him somehow.

But she wasn't. She was worse.

It was _her_ who'd gotten Chuck and Blair into that accident, _her_ who'd, at least in a way, pushed the real Charlie Rhodes away from her real family. She'd spewed out so many lies to keep the family that wasn't really hers that now she was totally and completely alone. The one person that accepted her in the end was gone, and no one would believe her that she wasn't responsible.

She'd been too desperate to have that family of her own. It was just too tempting to ignore, like it was dangling in front of her. She'd felt a gentle tug of it when she came to play her part the year before, but when Serena so persistently insistent to take her back to New York with her during the summer…she couldn't refuse. As hard as it had been, she'd even given up the man she loved for the possibility of a family that adored her and would give anything to make her happy.

She should've stayed with Max and let them eventually create a family of their own.

Of all the risks she'd taken in the last year, this felt like the worst, the most risky. Max didn't love her anymore. He probably couldn't even tolerate her presence longer than necessary. He'd probably even turn her in to the cops for fraud, and take pleasure in her finally getting what she deserves.

But she had nowhere else to go. Maybe it hadn't been smart tearing up that million dollar check, but she could never live with herself if she accepted the money. It represented something she could never stand for. She couldn't let herself be bought off. Not by this family. She loved them too much, and taking the money would only prove them right. It had never been about the money.

That didn't matter though. Even Lola, who had seemed open to the idea of supporting her through this mess at the beginning, was against her. Maybe she didn't hate her like the others, but she certainly didn't like her.

Max couldn't be counted on as a last resort, but she could handle one last rejection if she had to. The last of her money had been used for the bus ride to L.A. She could only hope he hadn't made the trip to Portland yet.

Her legs felt like jelly as she started up the stairs leading to his apartment. She looked into the window half-way up and saw him sitting on the couch, his back to her. There was no one else in the apartment. It was late, she reminded herself. He probably wouldn't have any visitors at two in the morning.

That didn't mean he wasn't seeing someone new, she told herself. But _baby steps_. If he let her in at all she could think a little about what their future might look like.

Her hand was shaking as she formed into a fist and knocked on the door twice. She couldn't feel her legs and her toes were numb. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears and the sound of his feet sounded like a trombone as he neared the door.

A cold sweat started on her face when she realized there was a peephole in his door and if he didn't like what he saw he could easily walk away.

But the door swung open and there he stood, his hand curled around the door at eye-view and an amused, yet angry look on his face.

"Well, well, well, look who at his: my little con-artist bitch of an ex-girlfriend."

She braced herself. "Hi…Max. Listen, I just…"

"Where's your little Upper East Side family? Did they finally find out your dirty little secret?"

She looked away.

His mouth curved into a smiling 'o'.

"They _did_," he said, the cracked smile clear in his voice.

She felt like she was going to throw up, but she knew she deserved it. She deserved whatever he was bound to throw at her.

"And now you're left all alone with no one to take care of you," he concluded, mocking her with a pout when she finally looked up at him. "Well, if you came here to grovel because you have nowhere else to go, think again. I have nothing to say to you, and you wouldn't deserve it even if I did." He started to close the door and her face fell hopelessly.

"Max, wait-"

"Good-bye, Ivy."

The door shut firmly but quietly in her face.

"I have nowhere else to go," she said, but the sound of Max's feet grew more faint as he walked away from the door.

She sighed and clenched her fist, hating that her voice sounded so desperate when she spoke again.

"I know I don't deserve forgiveness or any kindness on your end. I regret everything that I did, especially for lying to you. You were the only constant in my life, the only thing that really mattered. You cared about me for exactly who I was, and I completely took you for granted." She sighed. "I am so, so sorry."

She closed her eyes and tears wet her eyelashes.

She'd done what she could, but as she'd predicted, he had been nowhere willing to let her inside, even if just to have a roof over her head. She worried now, even for tonight because it was supposed to rain, but there was a possibility she could find some bench in a public place with an overhang.

Turning for the stairs, she told herself that things would get better. She had nowhere to go from here but up. Though in the past that sentiment had proved her wrong. Hopefully that would not be the case this time around.

Her foot was halfway down the first step when the door opened again. She had to steady herself from falling over.

"Do you have a place to stay tonight?" Max asked, suddenly before her again. He didn't keep eye contact with her and his question seemed more directed at someone that might be standing two feet away from her in the opposite direction but she would take what she could get.

"A park bench somewhere," she said, as confidently as she could muster.

Now he looked directly at her.

"Didn't you stash away some money?"

She shook her head. "It was never about the money, Max."

His brows furrowed. "How did you get here?"

"The little I had left I used to take a bus here."

"To get to me?" he asked doubtfully.

She nodded. "You were all I had left."

He couldn't stop staring at her. The fact that she'd risked coming to him with all the money she had left seemed like the stupidest thing she could have done.

"You really expected I was gonna take you back?"

She looked down briefly. "No…but I had to try." She looked up hesitantly.

He stared at her, clearly fighting an inner battle.

After awhile she nodded and she knew his mind was made up.

"You can stay until you find a job," he said, not looking at her.

Her eyes widened in surprise. She was rendered speechless.

"I expect that to be within the week," he said, looking at her intently.

"Max, I…"

He took a step back and opened the door wider for her to enter.

"You can sleep on the couch."

"Right…of course," she said, realizing the conversation was over but so overwhelmed by relief that she could hardly register the negativity still in his voice.

"Ivy."

She turned and looked at him.

"Your apologies mean nothing to me. _You_ mean nothing to me."

She swallowed hard. "I know." Though somewhere inside she knew he didn't mean his latter remark. She had to mean something to him if he felt the need to let her stay.

"Thank-you, Max," she said softly.

He said nothing, just walked past her and into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

She sighed and sat down on the couch. Her hand moved over the worn cushions. There were memories here, in this place, on this couch. Memories she hoped someday she would be able to relive.

….

A/N: Wow. I really didn't think this was going to be so long, since it's just a prologue, but I hope those of you who actually read this, because you actually love Ivy & still ship her with Max as much as I do, enjoyed it and will review. =) Thanks for reading!


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